


Conflict of Interests

by let2gotwoapplebee2



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Best Damned Porn I've Ever Written, M/M, Nook Eating, PWP, Xeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-05
Updated: 2012-12-05
Packaged: 2017-11-20 10:11:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/584223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/let2gotwoapplebee2/pseuds/let2gotwoapplebee2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Your name is Dave Strider and sometimes, you just want to be bent over a table and fucked. This happens to be one of those times, and it has been for about two weeks now."</p>
<p>Dave needs to get laid something fierce. He propositions his roommate with benefits and it works, but it doesn't quite go as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conflict of Interests

**Author's Note:**

> This is self-indulgent, shameless, nothing-but porn. This fandom doesn't have enough nook-eating, riding, or mutual penetration. This is my attempt to fix all of that.

Your name is Dave Strider and sometimes, you just want to be bent over a table and fucked. This happens to be one of those times, and it has been for about two weeks now. You keep making eyes at your asshole room mate, with whom you’ve fallen madly in bed on more than one occasion. He, however, only has eyes for Golden Grahams and indecipherable lines of code. Lines on lines on lines of total bullshit code. You’re actually not sure of when last you saw him leave the blue-glowing supermachine he set up in the living room only hours after he moved in eight months ago. You know that he went out for lunch with a troll friend about twoish weeks ago, but since then, you’ve even caught him sleeping in the high-end leather spinny chair that never leaves his panorama of intimidatingly large monitors. It’s boring. He’s boring. You’re bored. And that kills you.

Stepping delicately over the cable tendrils winding out from the behemoth against the windowed wall of your living room, you decide that it’s time to step up your game. You drape yourself over the back of his evil mastermind chair and play almost carelessly with his hair. He completely- and what’s worse, effortlessly- ignores you and you swear you can feel your blood start to boil. You lightly and measuredly trail your fingers from his scalp down the side of his neck, kneading the stress-solid muscle you find at the bottom. He stares ahead, but you at least notice him roll his eyes. You see your opening widen and you smirk.

“Sooooollux,” you half-sing.

“Go awaaaaaay,” he mimics.

“No, but hear me out-“

“Rather not.”

“Dude, I’m just trying to get you laid, here. You haven’t left that chair in, like, a month. Your pasty ass is probably actually fused to it by now, and you wouldn’t even notice. You now bear an additional 15% genetic similarity to cows because of your unfortunate ass-fusion with the leather. I would laugh, were it not so fucking tragic.”

“…You done?”

“With that, yeah.”

Sollux’s tongue darts out to wet his chapstick-deprived lips, smoothing down the cracks in the black before he replies. “I’ll admit, I was curious to see where that one was going and it wasn’t a letdown, but I’ve got shit to do here.” 

“The screen straight up does not look any different from how it did four hours ago. You’re just a zombie now. You aren’t actually working.” At that, Sollux slapdashes a few meaningless lines just for spite. You roll your eyes and pull out your last resort: straightforwardness. “Look, I haven’t gotten laid in a hot minute and neither have you, and you’re a fucking tiger in the sack, so I’m making the offer here, if you’re interested. If you aren’t, I’m literally just going to walk out that door and bed the first thing that’s interested. And I WILL bring them back here and I WILL be loud about it. Balls are in your court, dude.”

Sollux smirks at the not-quite-stealth pun and stretches, spine cracking loudly. "Ugh, I mean I guess it couldn't hurt. One of these days, though, you're going to have to take me out to dinner."

"I've thought about it, but I'm pretty sure that would just make it hella weird." You watch his face for a reaction, but he just shrugs, apparently deciding that's fair. 

"Lemme take a quick shower to wash the codestink off and I'll meet you in your room?" You shoot him a thumbs up and head to the fridge to grab the water bottles you'll definitely be needing later. Behind you, he hauls himself out of the chair and stretches again, more joints cracking. The hairs on the back of your neck stand up when his psionics make a test-crackle between his horns and you allow yourself to indulge in a grin. You shut the fridge and almost turn to say something when he speaks up again. "Ah, man, this is gonna be fucking awesome. I haven't just had my nook stuffed in a while."

You stop mid-turn and frown. What?

\--

"We've got a problem," you announce when he saunters his naked self into your room after his shower.

"We have a problem or you have a problem?"

"No, this is a legitimate we situation, here." You steeple your fingers, giving him quite the solemn look. "Before you hopped in the shower, you mentioned getting your nook stuffed?"

"Um, yes? How is that a problem?" His hands float to his hips and he cocks his head.

"See, I was more of the mindset where you bend me over and fuck my brains out. I mean, that's just where I'm at in this whole wanting-to-get-laid personal journey, here. That's just my headspace there."

Sollux makes a face, long nose scrunching. "No. No no no. Dude, I'm actually made for penetration. I have a nook. You have a poop chute. Bulges don't go up poop chutes. That's just not how life works, Dave."

"Oh my god, you're such a bitch. It's not even a big deal." You flop back against the bed, throwing your arms in the air.

He crosses his arms and huffs at you, irritation plain on his face. Not that it ever leaves. "Well, that's the deal on the table. Either there's a dick up my nook or I pack up my toys and go home."

You indulge in a firm pout for half a minute more before giving in. "Fine! Fine. A fuck is a fuck, I guess." You frown and roll your eyes. As he climbs onto the bed, you sit up and shuck your jeans and boxers off, kicking them away like a child having a tantrum. He moves behind you, though, laying his needlewirey hands on your shoulders and massaging gently. 

His lips only just brush your ear when he whispers, "Come on, you know you're going to fucking love this." You definitely will, but you don't want to afford him anything more entused than a shrug. Still, he sees through your sulking and nips at your ear with mangled teeth. "Lay down," he urges softly, hands pushing you before you can reply. Your head hits the pillow and he moves to crawl over you. He doesn't stop until his knees frame your shoulders and his bony ass settles on your chest. His bulge is only just starting to unsheath and you know exactly what he wants and god, you don't know why you aren't just having sex with him on the daily, he knows you so well. You decide that maybe not getting your way isn't so horrible. 

"This gonna work?" he asks, leaning forward over you, eyebrow quirked, as if he doesn't know you love this shit. A drop of water falls from his still-wet hair onto your forehead.

"It works, yeah." Your hands slide up slender thighs as you tilt him further forward. Leaning up, you plant one, two, three kisses to the folds of his nook and hear a contented sigh above you. His hands anchor on the edge of your headboard and you like that he's already bracing himself. Your tongue dips between his lips, tracing a line from his entrance to the base of his bulge and he positively whines. His thighs tense under your hands. You lick another line, starting at his hole, this time craning your head back to slide all the way to the tip of his bulge. Over your head, Sollux shifts to lean his elbows against the headboard, too. His hips bear down slightly, as if he's afraid to ask for more. You smirk and tug him down further until your head is flat on the pillow and your tongue is buried in his nook. Your tongue wags and swipes against the ridges of his inner walls and you know you that the taste of him will probably be in your mouth for hours, not that you mind. You feel a thin trail of his wetness slide down past the corner of your mouth and you sigh through your nose. He finally lets a moan out and your slowly hardening dick starts to pay attention. 

Wrapping your hands to the front of his thighs, you spread him wider with your thumbs and pull your tongue out to lap at him in a few broad stripes before wrapping your lips and tongue around the underside of the very base of Sollux's now fully-unsheated bulge. You close an eye when his bulge moves to curl against your cheek. It's a bit endearing, though equally repulsive. He grinds down against your tongue and moans again and you like this, too. Your dick twitches in approval. Keeping him open with one thumb, you let go with the other to circle a fingertip around his increasingly wet entrance, sliding your tongue along as much of his bulge as you can reach. His bulge seems to figure out what's going on before he does and it curls into your waiting mouth while you slip your finger inside him. A startled groan jumps out from his chest and it's just so satisfying.

Sollux's bulge curls and writhes against your tongue and presses against the inside of your cheeks as you pump your finger in and out of him. It begins to straighten itself and the tip slips into your throat. You moan around it, still twining your tongue with whatever section of it you can reach until there's suddenly more in bulge down your throat than you're built to accomodate. Panic floods your nerves and you cough, jerking backwards. The tip still plays across your lips as you catch your breath and Sollux grinds his hips insistently on your fingers. You mutter a quiet, "sadistic bastard," before settling your head again to trace your name with your tongue between the folds of his nook. He moans and whines and you're pretty sure you hear his bitten-down nails scrape hard into the wood of your headboard. 

You add a second finger without warning and Sollux outright yells. You flick your tongue quickly all around the base of his bulge, smirking to yourself as he rides your fingers, so thoroughly slicked with his wetness. You feel confident in your control over him until there's suddenly a hand in your hair, yanking your head backwards. Electricity crackles at the base of your skull and you gasp. Abruptly, his bulge is back in your mouth, snaking against your tongue, twisting against whatever smooth heat it finds. You cough against it, but Sollux refuses to relent, smirking down at you. He rolls his hips and, though your throat protests, you moan around him, pressing a thumb to the base of his bulge and massaging. His thighs shake and, just as suddenly as he was in your mouth, he's now out of it, leaning back and pulling himself off your fingers. 

"Fuck. Shit. Fuck." He tries to slow his breathing down and you hastily snatch up the first piece of clothing you can reach to wipe your fingers and face off. 

"Speaking of," you pant, "we doing this?"

"Shut up." He jams two fingers in your mouth and crawls himself backwards. You work your tongue around them, much like you did with his bulge and his shuddering sigh is far from subtle. Rubbing his nook along the length of your dick, he peers at you and smirks again. You know that face. That's the face he makes when he drink more than you, beats you at Mario Kart, and wins a bet. It's the face he makes when he gets his way and now, just like every other time he makes it, you want to fuck it off of him. 

You move your hands to try to steer his hips, but there's a buzz around your wrists and then they're pinned to the bed above your head. "Nah, not yet." He teases you just a moment longer, still sliding his nook along your cock and fingerfucking your mouth, before raising up a bit again. The hand not scraping nails against your tongue reaches between the two of you to grab your prick. He settles the very tip of it against his entrance and levitates his glasses off, eager to see exactly what your face is doing. Truthfully, you aren't too sure, yourself. You're more focused on oh god please, just sit that skinny gray ass down. 

Sollux pulls his fingers from your mouth, sliding them down your jaw, and makes a small circle with his hips before sinking slowly onto your cock. The heat of his nook never ceases to amaze you, nor does the look of pure bliss on his face as he impales himself, inch by inch. He moves his hands to your chest and braces himself before grinding hard and fast against you. His bulge curls and slides against your stomach, smearing a thin layer of genetic material wherever it lands. Sollux bites at his bottom lip and then you can't feel the buzzing energy around your wrists. Taking full advantage, your hands fly to his hips and you steer him, lifting him just a few inches before slamming him back down again. There's more weight on your chest as he leans forward, surprisingly content to let you control him. 

Holding him flush to your hips, you grind up into him, pressing just a bit deeper than he seems to have expected. He shouts a moan and hunches further over you while your hips circle under him, still deeper than he's quite used to. His hips work counter to yours and you feel a wave of tightness all along your cock that knocks the wind out of you. God, he's a genius at driving you insane. He leans forward just a bit more and his tongue flicks at your bottom lip. Yours slides out to meet it, still tasting decidedly of his nook, and the two tangle between your not-quite-touching lips. It bends your brain that he always tastes like coffee and honey, strong enough even to cut through the taste already so powerful on your tongue. 

Sollux's lips seal across yours and you feel his hips jerk in your hands, bucking on your dick. You moan into his mouth and he bites your lip. One of his hands moves off your chest. You don't see it go, but you feel the shift of his weight onto the other one before you feel it yanking hard at your hair. You shout and roll your hips solidly into him. In retaliation, you move one of your hands from his hip to tangle at the base of his bulge. His mouth falls open and he makes one of those noises that reminds you just how alien he is. You let go with your other hand and wrap it around one of his larger horns, yanking him within neck-biting distance to see how much noise you can get him to make. He almost hisses at you until your teeth dig into the side of his neck. Then, it's more of a whimper. You lick at him from the base of his neck to the lobe of his ear in a single, broad stroke of your tongue and he whines, hips rocking feverishly. You nibble around the piercing in his ear and his bulge thrashes in your hand, almost hurting as it slaps itself around your wrist. 

After just a flick of your tongue against the metal in his ear, Sollux jerks back violently, wincing as he fights your grip on his horn. You let the panting troll go, bulge sliding a bit in your other hand. Confusion is painted plainly across your face. Concern might even be there. Hurting such an awesome fuckbuddy is the last thing you want to do. He laughs breathlessly at whatever expression you're wearing.

"It's cool. I'm cool. I just... had an idea," he assures you. He reaches down and peels your fingers away from him before slowly sliding off of you. A frustrated grunt shoves out from your chest, but fades into a low hum as he gets onto his knees and turns around. You wrap a hand around the base of your dick, offering it helpfully to his nook. After all, it and you are bros and bros are all about helping each other out. You feel the wetness of Sollux's entrance on the very tip of your cock and it takes a lot of will power not to thrust up into him. 

"Your hand wasn't enough," he mumbles as he sinks back down onto you. Your eyebrows furrow, though you groan at the feeling of his heat wrapping back around you.

"The fuck you mean?" you grumble, far from being okay with being implied a mediocre lover.

"I mean I might be about to fucking let you have your way too, if you trust me for a fucking second." He hitches up your knees and elbows them wider before planting his hands on the mattress between them. It doesn't quite hit you what he means until you feel the thin, slick tip of his bulge slide around your ballsac down to your hole. He looks over his shoulder at you, face equal parts accusing and concerned. "This what you wanted?"

"Shit. Fuck, I- Yes. Holy fuck, if you are actually gonna do this, Sol, I-"

"Shut up before I think too hard about this."

You clamp your mouth shut, though you compensate by spreading your legs and tilting your hips. He makes a shuddery huff, feeling you move inside of him, and starts to press his bulgetip into you. It's thin enough to not be much of an issue, and slick as hell, but you still need to take some decidedly deep breaths if you want to calm down enough to take even part of the rest of him. It wriggles curiously, which would be creepycute if it weren't so in your ass. You press your palms to the back of his ribs, fingers digging in just slightly, as you remind yourself that this perfect alien is real and you can't help but praise him with a quiet and appreciative, "fffuck." 

"Fuck. Fuck, why have we never done this before?" His voice shakes as more of his bulge winds its way into you, spreading and pressing and giving you so much more than what you thought you needed. You feel his nook tighten around your cock and you swear you must've died to be feeling this good. Your lone "fuck" has apparently brought some friends and you aren't really paying attention to the guest list as a stream of bullshit nonsense falls out of your mouth. It isn't until you remember that you've booked your ass an all expenses paid trip to hell that you realize this is real life and life is good. 

You rake your blunt nails down his back, which bows so beautifully as he lets out a breathy sigh, until you can grab at his hips again. More of his bulge pushes into you and it isn't just curving anymore. You feel it start to curl against itself and bend in places and it's just too much. Sollux's hands are twisted into the sheets between your legs, trying to keep a hold of himself as he tries to process how you feel around him. You tighten your grip on his hips and buck up into him and it yanks a surprised yelp out of him. His bulge writhes inside of you and oh yes, this is a thing you're doing.

"Oh my fuck, Sollux, you're a fucking genius. I'm never letting you out of my bed again, Jesus. Fuck, you're so fucking tight and your dick is fucking nuts, oh my GOD."

You lift him and bring him down on your dick like you did earlier and he moans, rolling his hips. Your whole world is now officially Sollux. His weight shifts back more onto your hips and his hands move to grip your knees. You continue guiding his hips, picking up the pace as his bulge is pushed and pulled from you. "Fucking Christ," he groans. "Jesus, Dave, you're fucking perfect." You aren't going to last much longer.

Sollux apparently decides the pace you're setting isn't enough, though. His bony hands hold tight to your knees and he sets his own speed, riding your dick hard and fast. He tips his head back and groans to the ceiling and you can see colored sparks between his horns and a rivulet of sweat running down his tensed and twitching spine. You buck your hips up to match his rhythm. He moans and calls you perfect again, and damn, but that's a word you like to see his thin and trembling black lips spit at you. You take your hands off him to prop yourself up on an elbow.

"You-you're pretty fucking great too, babe." You appreciate the sight of him fucking himself thoroughly on your dick for just a moment longer before you reach up and yank his head back to see just how far that gorgeous spine can bend. Unsurprisingly, it's farther than yours could. Apparently, it makes his bulge thrash and you squawk. 

"Fuck! Fuckfuckfuck, I'm gonna fuckin'- Shit-" You can feel your balls tighten and that pulse at the base of your spine. You are fucking done for.

"Ahn, please. Fuck. Come for me, Dave-"

Your spine arches hard and your hips buck almost involuntarily into him and, even with your eyes saucer-wide, you have an instant of blindness as the world turns perfect. Above you, Sollux half-shouts a moan, nook squeezing you dry until you collapse back on the mattress, spent, his bulge slipping out of you. 

There's a crackle in the air and and you hear the dull fip of metal hitting skin and, once you blink, you can see he has a bucket in hand that he's wedging between his thighs. You manage to push yourself up onto your knees behind him and reach your arm around to grope at the base of his bulge. He cries out and leans forward onto his hands, arms and thighs shaking. "Shit. Shit. Dave Dave Dave, please-" You lean down and sloppily drag your tongue along the slit of his well-fucked nook. Some of your own cum winds up on your tongue, but it's a small price to pay for Sollux trembling in your touch, begging for release. You stroke his bulge from base to tip as you place a few more sloppy kisses on his nook and the backs of his thighs. He groans and it pulls him bowstring taut. You soothe a hand across his overheated back and, when you return your hand to give the base another squeeze, he's shouting something mangled and coming in his bucket. You massage his bulge through his release, still planting kisses to the backs of his thighs, licking away the occasional errant drop of genetic material.

It's with jellied hands that you pull the bucket out from under him when he finishes and set it on the floor by the bed, with the desperate hope that you won't step in it. He flops, boneless, onto his side and covers his face in his hands as his bulge starts to retreat. You flop, just as exhausted and contented, behind him, slinging an arm across his waist. It isn't until you kiss his shoulder that the giggles start and, earth-shattering orgasms aside, they're probably your favorite part of sex with Sollux. They always end with him wheezing and you snorting. You aren't laughing about anything and you don't say anything, but he arches against you and you pull him closer and, as they die out this time, neither of you feels the pressure to say anything face-saving. You kiss where his neck and shoulder meet and he hums and gives your hair a psychic tousle and there's an unspoken agreement that, yes, that was the best sex ever. The two of you drift asleep and when you wake up, you're pleasantly surprised to find him still curled against you, arm laying over yours.

\--

He bites at your neck, grinding his hips against your ass as you give up on organizing your portfolio tonight.

"Oh my god, I said fine, like, 10 minutes ago."

"Then why are your pants still on?"

"Because I wanna take you to dinner, first."

He stops moving and perches his chin on your shoulder. "Really?"

"Yeah. So go put on somethin' nice."

He stays still behind you, bonyclawed hands sitting unsure at your waist.

"Dude, what's your malfunction?" You try and scoff, but this is kind of a make-or-break moment.

"Won't this make it weird?"

"I mean, that was the goal, yeah."

"Oh... Yeah, I'll- I'll go throw something on."

He grins with those wicked teeth and it wrecks you in the best way.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I haven't posted anything in 3 months... I'm not dead, I swear. Hopefully this is the start of me getting that spark back.


End file.
